In which we channel Stoppard
Feb. 18th, 2006 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rymenhildCURTAIN RISES ON RYMENHILD'S COUCH. RYMENHILD AND MUCHABSTRACTED ARE SEATED UPON THE COUCH, WATCHING GARY OLDMAN AND TIM ROTH TOSS COINS.
GUILDENSTERN: Two, probability is not operating as a factor. Three, we are now within un-, sub- or supernatural forces.
RYMENHILD: Discuss.
GUILDENSTERN: ...Discuss.
***
SCENE. GUILDENSTERN, HAMLET AND ROSENCRANTZ ARE SEATED AT A WIDE BANQUET TABLE.
HAMLET: Man delights not me...
(ROSENCRANTZ SMIRKS.)
HAMLET:no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.
ROSENCRANTZ: My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts.
HAMLET: Why did you laugh then, when I said 'man delights not me'?
(UNCONTROLLABLE COUGHING FROM RYMENHILD. ACROSS THE COUCH, MUCHABSTRACTED CEASES TO BREATHE. IN PROCESS OF FLAILING, RYMENHILD ACCIDENTALLY PAUSES THE DVD. MUCHABSTRACTED AND RYMENHILD STARE.)
***
SCENE: INTERMISSION FOR NECESSARY FOODSTUFFS.
RYMENHILD: Shall we play at questions?
MUCHABSTRACTED: .........Hesitation.
RYMENHILD: One - love.
MUCHABSTRACTED: (PEERING INTO THE REFRIGERATOR) How many potatoes should I have?
RYMENHILD: How many calories can you afford?
MUCHABSTRACTED: Why would I care about calories?
RYMENHILD: Well, aren't you a twenty-something female human?
MUCHABSTRACTED: (INDIGNANT) Are you saying I'm fat?
RYMENHILD: Is there a correct answer?
(AT WHICH THERE WAS REALLY NO POINT CONTINUING THE GAME, BECAUSE NEITHER OF US COULD BREATHE.)
***
SCENE: FIVE MINUTES LATER, CONSIDERING MILLIWAYS HISTORY OVER CHICKEN AND POTATOES
MUCHABSTRACTED: The first thing I remember from then is, I thought you wanted Guildenstern or something and I was glad because I wanted Rosencrantz.
RYMENHILD: (SORROWFUL) Is that the first thing you remember?
MUCHABSTRACTED: Yes.
RYMENHILD: You chose first.
MUCHABSTRACTED: Oh. I chose first. Good.
RYMENHILD: Is that what you remember?
MUCHABSTRACTED: I don't care. What I vaguely remember, what I think I remember, is that I chose Rosencrantz, or maybe you thought I would want Guildenstern.
RYMENHILD: .... (FACEPALM.)
***
SCENE: TWENTY MINUTES LATER, TYPING BLOG ENTRY
MUCHABSTRACTED: And that's why I chose Rosencrantz.
GUILDENSTERN: Two, probability is not operating as a factor. Three, we are now within un-, sub- or supernatural forces.
RYMENHILD: Discuss.
GUILDENSTERN: ...Discuss.
***
SCENE. GUILDENSTERN, HAMLET AND ROSENCRANTZ ARE SEATED AT A WIDE BANQUET TABLE.
HAMLET: Man delights not me...
(ROSENCRANTZ SMIRKS.)
HAMLET:no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.
ROSENCRANTZ: My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts.
HAMLET: Why did you laugh then, when I said 'man delights not me'?
(UNCONTROLLABLE COUGHING FROM RYMENHILD. ACROSS THE COUCH, MUCHABSTRACTED CEASES TO BREATHE. IN PROCESS OF FLAILING, RYMENHILD ACCIDENTALLY PAUSES THE DVD. MUCHABSTRACTED AND RYMENHILD STARE.)
***
SCENE: INTERMISSION FOR NECESSARY FOODSTUFFS.
RYMENHILD: Shall we play at questions?
MUCHABSTRACTED: .........Hesitation.
RYMENHILD: One - love.
MUCHABSTRACTED: (PEERING INTO THE REFRIGERATOR) How many potatoes should I have?
RYMENHILD: How many calories can you afford?
MUCHABSTRACTED: Why would I care about calories?
RYMENHILD: Well, aren't you a twenty-something female human?
MUCHABSTRACTED: (INDIGNANT) Are you saying I'm fat?
RYMENHILD: Is there a correct answer?
(AT WHICH THERE WAS REALLY NO POINT CONTINUING THE GAME, BECAUSE NEITHER OF US COULD BREATHE.)
***
SCENE: FIVE MINUTES LATER, CONSIDERING MILLIWAYS HISTORY OVER CHICKEN AND POTATOES
MUCHABSTRACTED: The first thing I remember from then is, I thought you wanted Guildenstern or something and I was glad because I wanted Rosencrantz.
RYMENHILD: (SORROWFUL) Is that the first thing you remember?
MUCHABSTRACTED: Yes.
RYMENHILD: You chose first.
MUCHABSTRACTED: Oh. I chose first. Good.
RYMENHILD: Is that what you remember?
MUCHABSTRACTED: I don't care. What I vaguely remember, what I think I remember, is that I chose Rosencrantz, or maybe you thought I would want Guildenstern.
RYMENHILD: .... (FACEPALM.)
***
SCENE: TWENTY MINUTES LATER, TYPING BLOG ENTRY
MUCHABSTRACTED: And that's why I chose Rosencrantz.
