Meme!

[rymenhild]

sovay has found a version of the questions-about-random-characters meme that actually involves interesting questions about issues other than romantic relationships. In a weak moment, I decided to try her version myself. The material behind the cut is entirely G-rated.

The characters I shall be answering questions about:

1. Lyra Silvertongue (Philip Pullman, His Dark Materials)
2. Bran Davies (Susan Cooper, The Grey King)
3. Dream of the Endless (Neil Gaiman, Sandman)
4. Katherine Forrester Vigneras (Madeleine L'Engle, A Severed Wasp)
5. Harriet Vane (Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night)
6. The Master Shark (Diane Duane, Deep Wizardry)
7. Bertilak de Hautdesert (MS Cotton Nero Ax, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight)
8. River Tam (Joss Whedon, Firefly)
9. Roland Deschain (Stephen King, Dark Tower)
10. Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan (Lois McMaster Bujold, Shards of Honor)
11. Alison (Alan Garner, The Owl Service)
12. Owen Glendower (William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part I)

Which would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subjects would they teach?

Alison would make a horrid college professor, unless she suddenly develops a brain and a sense of self-will. The Master Shark, on the other hand, might be worth studying with. I'd love to take his class on the practical implications of philosophy. (If you approve of existentialism, you are clearly in distress and the Master Shark will eat you.)

Do you think 4 is hot? How hot?

I am sure Katherine was beautiful when she was young, but in A Severed Wasp she is old. I suppose she's probably still beautiful, just not hot.

12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

Owen Glendower respects River Tam because her mad gibberish is compatible with his mad gibberish. Also, the girl can fight. He sends her off to assassinate Prince Hal. In the process of trying to find the prince, River kills Falstaff without difficulty. Unfortunately, the plan goes bad around then; Hal captures River and attempts to sell her off to the Alliance for money to raise a bigger and better English army. Simon Tam convinces the crew of Serenity that River's clearly in trouble. In a daring move, Captain Reynolds breaks into the jail before the Alliance arrives. Serenity then carries River out into the black, and Glendower never does know what happened to his assassin.

What is or would be 9's favorite book?

At Milliways, Roland Deschain became very fond of Yeats. A completely canon-based Roland Deschain doesn't have favorite books.

Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?

No. Bran Davies would certainly not swear fealty to the Master Shark, nor would the Master Shark swear fealty to him. They would address each other warily, as befits royalty of two kingdoms with incompatible worldviews.

For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?

Of course Harriet Vane would do much better sharing an apartment with Cordelia Vorkosigan than with Roland Deschain. Harriet has lived with a man before, of course, but Roland is not her type at all, nor does he bear any resemblance to Harriet's first lover. Besides, Harriet and Cordelia are two highly intelligent, freethinking, vaguely religious professional women. They would become best friends immediately upon meeting each other.

7, 2 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?

I would love to have been present on the night when Bertilak de Hautdesert invited Bran Davies and Owen Glendower to dinner at his home in the greenwood. Bertilak served fabulous otherworldly feasts involving lots of roast, fresh-killed game. The three discussed Welsh nationalism, the responsibilities of royalty, and theories of ideal political units. Bran averted his eyes when, due to some drinking game or other, Owen found himself kissing Bertilak.

3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?

Dream of the Endless challenged Cordelia Vorkosigan to a duel? Now, that's a frightening thought.

Using her best Betan debating skills, Cordelia tried desperately to delay the beginning of the duel. She managed to keep Dream talking for a crucial half hour. Dream was just about to lift his hand and send Cordelia permanently into the realm of Nightmare before Colonel Bothari showed up and attempted to stab Dream with his commander's dress sword. Dream would have swatted Bothari as if he were a fly dressed in a Barrayaran Army uniform, but he couldn't. Bothari belonged to Delirium, and it was against the rules for him to hurt one of his sister's men. Instead, he canceled the duel and sent both Cordelia and Bothari far, far away from him. The two mortals survived, but they did have nightmares for many years after.

If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would 8 get it back?

Lyra Silvertongue would steal without regret if she thought it was important, but I don't think she'd steal from River Tam. For one thing, River possesses nothing valuable except her own brain and body, and Lyra would find the whole idea of what was done to River morally repugnant. Lyra might steal on River's behalf, though.

Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.

Bertilak and Glendower? "The Green World." Bertilak wants to keep the castle and land and power he already has. Glendower wants Wales. The two desires are compatible.

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?

Lyra and Katherine?

I'm sorry, I just don't see it.

If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?

I would faint.

THERE'S A SEVEN-FOOT HALF-GIANT GREEN MAN IN MY APARTMENT!

If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?

I wouldn't dare give any command to Dream of the Endless. Should I meet him, I might ask him politely to give me a dream of flying, as I never seem to get those. More likely, I would be very, very polite and not ask him for anything at all. There are too many ways any fulfilled wish could go sour.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?

I put Alison in a crossover drabble at dir100 once. No one else has written her as far as I know.

If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?

Katherine Vigneras and Harriet Vane, both being intelligent creative freethinking and not particularly competitive women, would naturally be on the same side. I can't imagine Bran choosing between them in any case. He would have too much respect for them to choose.

What might 10 shout while charging into battle?

Cordelia? Barrayarans.

If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?

For River Tam... Tori Amos, "Upside Down".

god i love to turn my little blue world upside down
god i love to turn my little blue world upside down
inside my head the noise
chatter, chatter, CHATTER, chatter, chatter
you see i'm afraid i'll always be
still coming out of my mother upside down

don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down
oh i know you love to turn this little blue girl baby upside down
but my heart it says
you've been shatter, shatter, shatter, SHATTER, shattered...

(The full lyrics are available, without popups, here. Does anyone with the song and ability to yousendit want to upload it to millitunes?)

1, 6 and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?

Lyra, the Shark and Glendower had one hell of a fight over that scallion pancake. When the dust settled, it was apparent that Lyra, being sneaky, relatively small and good at getting into little spaces, had collected and eaten the pancake. Owen Glendower was distressed that he had lost the fight for the pancake. Therefore, the Master Shark ate Glendower.

What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?

Bran Davies picking up Cordelia Naismith??!! (Let's assume she's not married yet, for minimal brain-breakage.)

Uh, "Tell me about your church?"

What would 5 most likely be arrested for?

That's easy. Harriet Vane would obviously be arrested on suspicion of murdering her lover.

What is 6's secret?

I could tell you, but then I would be eaten by a shark.

All right, the Master Shark is secretly a nice really old man-eating being.

If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?

Roland Deschain and Alison? That's a gunslinger racing a snotty teenage girl with a demigoddess in her brain. Since the demigoddess is no help at all, Alison doesn't have a chance.

Then again, it takes Roland a very, very long time to get places, so one never knows.

3 and 7 tell conflicting versions of events. Which is more reliable?

Dream of the Endless and Bertilak de Hautdesert are equally reliable, or equally unreliable. They both tell stories, you see. Whether the stories are true or not is almost besides the point.

1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that 11 is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

Let me try that again with the names filled in. Lyra and Roland reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by Katherine's sinister secret organization. Alison volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that Alison is actually a spy for Katherine. Meanwhile, Katherine has kidnapped Glendower in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Harriet, they seek out the Master Shark, who gives them what they need to complete their quest.

Katherine...kidnapped...Glendower. Out of cheese error. Does not compute. (Does anyone know where the "out of cheese" thing came from, by the way?)

If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?

River and Bertilak are two very dangerous people, and they might both defend me well against random cutthroats and thieves. Nevertheless, I would feel safer in Bertilak's company, because as far as I know, no galactic government wants very badly to capture him and kill all of his friends.