Emo Poems: The Middle English Version

[rymenhild]

Inspired by villainny:

Will Lydgate dreams of your emo poems.

Margery Kempe sobs over your emo poems.

Thomas Hoccleve's poems are more emo than yours.

The Wife of Bath tears pages out of your book of emo poems. Then she beats you up.

The Pardoner steals your emo poems and sells them as holy relics.

--

Join in, guys. (Is anyone up for running What Shakespeare Characters Think Of Your Emo Poems? I'm looking at you, angevin2.)

Comments

[skygiants]

Abelard's emo poems can beat your emo poems in a debate . . . despite the fact that they are severely lacking in testosterone these days. >.> (Or because of it?)

[larryhammer]

John Gower takes the premise of your emo poems and rewrites them into best-sellers -- without the emo, but with more wanking.

Petrarch out-emos your poems.

Bocaccio tells dirty stories until your emo poems pass.

---L.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Boethius is not consoled by your emo poems.

Caedmon won't read your emo poems, they're too profane.

The Wanderer is more lonely than your emo poems.

[rachel2205.livejournal.com]

Boethius is not consoled by your emo poems.

You win today's medieval prize! Enjoy this relic:

[rachel2205.livejournal.com]

Augustine will read your emo poems, but not yet.

Malory will escape your emo poems by swimming a moat.

(Shakespeare will laugh at your emo poems and recycle them into something better.)

[grondfic.livejournal.com]

Occam will cut your emo poems dead.

[angevin2.livejournal.com]

I am totally up for that. First, though, I am going to make an eleven-hour drive. This will give me plenty of time to think about that.

[thistleingrey.livejournal.com]

William of Newburgh finds your emo poems pathetic lies next to Bede's. Walter Map aphorizes your emo poems, or does he?

Oh, wait, Middle English.

John of Tynemouth puts your emo poems into the mouths of a hundred saints. Thomas Usk was beheaded for the sake of your emo poems. Laȝamon gives your emo poems a nice worn patina.

[angharad_gov.livejournal.com]

christine de pizan points out the inherent misogyny of your emo poems under the command of Lady Reason through the use of an allegorical story told by Lady Rectitude about the amazons.

[cleo]

Chaucer retracts his comments on your emo poems.

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

Yay, another Christine de Pizan fan!

(There's a short excerpt in my Euro textbook from The Treasure of the City of Ladies, but it's mistakenly attributed to The Book of the City of Ladies, which made me go GRRR WRONG TOTAL OPPOSITES.)

[ajodasso.livejournal.com]

The Pearl-Poet is too busy writing emo poems to care about yours.

The Wife's Lament INVENTED EMO, BITCHES!

[22by7.livejournal.com]

the Pardoner enshrines your emo poems in pig shit.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

From John Myers Myers' Silverlock (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=books/main/silverlock) I offer the account of the death of James Bowie at the Alamo done in Anglo-Saxon blank verse, which includes, in part:

Gathered the garrison, gave them his orders:
"Houston the Raven is raising a host;
Time's what he asks while he tempers an army.
Never give up this gate to our land.
Hold this door fast, though death comes against us."
. . .
Bold thanes were with him, thirsty for honor,
Schooled well in battle and skilled in all weapons;
Avid for slaughter there, each against thirty,
They stood to the walls and struck for their chieftains,
Houston and Bowie, the bearcat of heroes.
. . .
at last some found him,
Fettered to bed by the fever and dying,
. . . Gladly they rushed him, but glee became panic.
Up from the grip of the grave, gripping weapons,
Gizzardbane rose to wreak his last slaughter,
Killing, though killed. Conquered, he won.
. . .
In brief is the death lay of Bowie, the leader
Who laid down his life for his lord and ring giver,
Holding the doorway for Houston the Raven,
Pearl among princes, who paid in the sequel:
Never was vassal avenged with more slayings!

-- from "The Ballad of Bowie Gizzardbane"

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

I offered the death of James Bowie at the Alamo in Anglo Saxon verse (http://rymenhild.livejournal.com/154475.html?thread=1684843#t1684843).

[ajodasso.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Why thank you. What kind of relic is it?

[cataptromancer.livejournal.com]

William Langland has four versions of your emo poems.

Julian of Norwich knows all manner of your emo poems shall be well.

Thomas Usk told Nicholas Brembre about your emo poems.

Sir Thomas Malory unhorses your emo poems and sore upbraids them for their miscreancy.

Sir Orfeo has seen shit that would turn your emo poems white.

[debka-notion.livejournal.com]

R. Shlomo ben R. Shimson (author of one of the crusade chronicles) justifies your emo poem's suicide.

[angharad_gov.livejournal.com]

they should just stick with the secondary title, "the book of the three virtues" so folk won't get so confused...::silly grin::

[reconditarmonia.livejournal.com]

I know, right?

[mintymuffins.livejournal.com]

Heloise loves your emo poems, even if they've been emasculated.

[cronquist.livejournal.com]

The Green Knight litters your emo poems with color symbolism.